February 20th

Recently I pondered this thought: What happens to the love that you have for someone who dies?

The love that we have for those who have passed on does not die, it does not dwindle, it increases and intensifies.

Two years ago I lost my dad unexpectedly. Suicide took his life. Just thinking about it makes my heart pound.

I remember being woken up by my husband and being told the news. I wanted to be surprised, but I wasn’t. Watching my dad struggle for so long with alcoholism and mental illness foretold of an unhappy ending.

Loss is something that I am all too familiar with. I think as human beings we all are. Nothing in this world is eternal. Nothing aside from our souls.

When we lose something we realize all of the things that we loved about this thing or in my case this person. We value things more when we no longer have them.

In one sense I think our view of those things that we’ve lost can be skewed. Our minds can manipulate us into believing that things were better than they actually were. I’m guilty of this. Despite that I love and miss my dad.

My dad’s life was short lived. He passed just six days short of his 46th birthday. He had four children and was never married. He was the youngest of nine children.

Two years have flown by.

It’s still such a strange thing to consider. Often times I am stunned by the reality of my father’s absence.

Many things remind me of him. Early on after he passed I wanted to write down everything that I could remember about my dad, just so I would never forget.

When I see someone who resembles him I look to see if it’s him. It never is.

Grieving is an interesting process.

It’s taught me a lot. Literature on Trauma and Anger have shed light on many things that I had no understanding of before. Essential Oils have helped me to work through so many emotions (emotions of grief, day to day emotions, and emotions that surface due to my past). The book Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils has been such a great aid to me as I  do emotional work.

My journey to a healthy life has brought me to new thoughts and information. I am enjoying the process of learning, healing, and living a healthier life.

With all of the information that I have acquired it makes me wish that I would have known of oils, emotions, and wellness sooner. Sometimes I wonder if I could have helped my dad overcome his addictions and work through his emotions.

I have so much to share about emotions and illness but that will be a whole nother blog post.

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide call 1-800-273-8255 or visit Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Sending all of my love to you dad. Happy 48th  birthday.

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